Dating Questions for the month of September 2009

Hey Cupid's Link,
I've given my number to a guy who I hung out with a couple times afterwards. I'm not really interested in him anymore. Should I just ignore his calls and text messages or the next time he contacts me just tell him that I'm not interested? We're not really "going out" or even dating yet, so how do I end something that hasn't even started?
Sincerely,
Just-not-interested

Dear Just-not-interested,
The best part about dating is the experience. When we date people we are given an opportunity to find out qualities we would like to have in a relationship and ones we would like to avoid. Not every guy/girl we date is our next potential boyfriend or girlfriend. I think that those who are looking for healthy relationships are aware that you sometimes date people, only to find out it doesn’t work out. However, we have to remember to treat people the same way we would like to be treated. Can you remember the last time you liked a guy, called him only to have him not call you back?! It’s not the best feeling. In fact it usually makes people feel confuse, leaving them to analyze everything that was said and done. It can also take away from people’s self esteem, as they can analyze and conclude that they aren’t enough. It’s much kinder, and healthier (because Karma may come back to bite you in the ass) to let people know how you feel. Rather than leaving them hanging and coming to unfair conclusions. I would suggest letting him know that you had a great time, he is a great person, but you just aren’t interested in that way. This way you’re protected from future karma issues. You may have also saved him from wasted energy and time of analyzing, which every one of us tend to do in such situations. He will be able to get over it much quicker when he is aware versus when he is confused, and thinking there is still a chance. Give the poor guy at least that much. Also be aware that the only reason you wouldn’t give someone the audacity of knowing you are not interested up front, is because you are being selfish and avoiding having to put yourself in an awkward confrontation. If you are mature enough to date than you should be mature enough to be responsible of the feelings of those around you.


Hey Cupid's Link
I have a question, I am an Asian male in my 20's from Vancouver. I want to know how come there are hardly any white females, in general wanting to date Asian men for a long term relationship. It is common to see white guys with Asian girls or white with white. Why never white girls with Asian guys? I hardly ever see that in craigslist.

Dear Link,
The most amazing thing about living in North America is the diversity in cultures. We are given the privilege to witness the differences and uniqueness that can be found in different cultures, right in our back doors.
We meet people from all over the world on a daily basis. Today, more than ever, we have integrated the need to be accepting to all cultures in Canada. I would suggest that when looking for a relationship; refocus your criteria, to one that is based more on an individual’s characteristics, rather than their racial descent. You may be so intent on dating a female who is perceived as “white,” that you are constantly searching for dating services who specifically cater to this. Or individuals who are in such a relationship only, to be left feeling empty handed. Also keep in mind, you usually find something when you aren’t looking. I personally can vouch that such relationships do exist. I know of females, whom you may consider “white” who are in healthy happy relationships with men of Asian descent. However they are based on emotional feelings. Please remember that love stems from all shapes, forms and colors. Keep an open mind, even if you do have specific preferences.

Dear Cupid's Link,
Is there any way of meeting people through cragilist? I've responded to many postings, given decent original responses and provided a picture if requested, but still no luck. Would eHarmony be more worthwhile? I'm not really a bar going type person. What would you advise for someone like me?

Dear Link,
Dating online can be very stressful and although it is the latest fad, or perhaps solution to our complex dating world, it is not always the best one. It can be difficult to think of witty, interesting, dynamic etc things to say when you don’t know how others will perceive it. In general your tone is never the same when one is reading what you are saying. It can become even more difficult when the person on the other end doesn’t actually know you. So be aware that you are not the only one struggling with this method. Many people also find the bar to be just as difficult of a place to meet people. Your never quite sure who is single, and therefore approachable. You can be doing something as simple as offering someone a drink just to find their boyfriend’s fist print indented on your face. The best solution for someone like you is to get involved. Participate in things you enjoy, that your community offers. This way you can meet people with same interests, in a place where it is more event oriented, allowing you to take off the stress you may find at a bar or online website. You can use it as a tool to network. You will be able to communicate with other people without having them feel you are instantly interested in dating them. Also by meeting new people you may network your way into new groups, and therefore new introductions. I always find that the best way to meet a new potential partner is in person. Casual settings are usually easier than clubs and bars. You may be interested to know that we will be offering events for singles to gather and meet one another. This is a great way to get to know people, without the stress of a bar, blind date, set up etc. They will be based on unique, diverse events that will be focused on relaxed and easy environments for people to engage in. So check us out at http://www.meetup.com/cupidslink/ in the upcoming week.