People are always asking me, “Why are you single?” My usual response is that I have standards. Standards which allow me to understand what type of guy will work with someone like me. I have dated enough to understand why I have chosen such standards. Also I have dated enough to know without them I feel as though something is missing. Standards guide us into healthy relationships and allow us to avoid settling for relationships that supplement the need to be with someone.
I believe when we are referring to dating and standards, there is a negative connotation. Having the right kind of standards does not mean that my ideal guy is: 6 foot 1, multi millionaire, tanned, dark hair, etc. Because in fact the reality is 6 foot 1 is much too tall for me. So my standards must be 5”11 lol The type of standards I am really referring to are ones that refer to an individual’s lifestyle and characteristics.
Many people feel that if you set your standards to high, you may never meet a person. Others are just so unsure of themselves and what they personally want in a partner that they have no standards at all. It is important to understand who you are as an individual before ever looking for a partner. You must understand the type of person you are in order to understand what type of person will complement you. Not complete you, but complement you. A person should not be the solution, but rather the bonus to your life the bonus to you as a person. But if you aren’t aware of yourself, your own personality and characteristics than you will never be able to have a person who complements you. It is the people who are usually after the completion partner, who are left lost, confused, lonely and with the wrong person. They are the type of people who are always searching to find themselves. Because they never knew who they were before they found a man/women to make their lives. When you take the time to find yourself, you will also begin to understand traits that a partner must possess in order to fit in your life properly. Standards are like blue prints to the best relationships. Can you imagine building a tower without some blueprints, just finding a bunch of pieces of wood, nailing them together anywhere they fit and hoping it will just work out?
Having standards are essential to having a healthy relationship with the right partner. It allows one to eliminate those we don’t match with or whom are lacking something we truly desire in a partner. If you are aware of the qualities that mean most to you in a partner, you are less likely to continuously choose the wrong ones. You simply need to know yourself, wants, needs, desires and the things you stand for. When you are aware of whom you are, you are then ready to understand the type of person who will fit with you best. We are all different and certain characters match better with one person then the other. I see relationships like a puzzle where you can push two pieces of a puzzle to fit. But the final picture won't be the same than if you had taken the time to find the right piece.
Many times we are so consumed with finding a partner we let certain things that matter most to us go. That’s what ultimately leads to fights, unhappiness and in fact resentment towards our partners. But if we are aware of ourselves and therefore people who match us, than we are more likely to choose a partner who can complement our lives. One who possess the characteristics that fit with who we are and what we need. Rather than one we choose to fulfill us for the time being, only to leave us feeling like something is missing. Many people are so afraid of being alone that they try to make everyone they “date” into their next long term partner. You must always keep in mind that every individual you date, or even encounter is not your next forever. If you find yourself continuously doing this, than it is a clear sign you need to take time out from dating to find yourself. This is a huge sign of desperation due to loneliness. However a strong and understanding person, the type of person that will attract the right type of individual that is most suitable for them, does not feel every other “date” is their next forever
We need to create a list for ourselves, allowing us to be prepared. A list of standards that will guide us from making constant detours from casual dating, to relationships with the wrong person. Step one of creating such standards is to spend time getting to know you. It’s like checking the fridge before going grocery shopping. Know what you have and what you don’t. Know what you want know what you need and what you don’t need. By getting to know what’s in the fridge you can make the most beneficial grocery list. Make that grocery list and you will cut the time in the store in half. Also you won’t be as easily persuaded by the coupons to purchase things you aren’t really looking for or need. Having a list makes all the difference. So make sure you make a list of standards for yourself. Remember standards do not mean blonde, blue eyes, big tits etc. Standards mean characteristics and lifestyle choices.
By creating and following our standards we are more likely to be in a successful relationship. For instance I know that I am an extremely sarcastic person. When I create my list of standards I always make sure to put characteristics like open minded and big sense of humor as well as not easily offended. It will naturally be easier for me to be with someone who possesses such characteristics. I know that an individual who is much more sensitive than I, will not work well with me. I know I will continuously make sarcastic remarks and we will continuously battle over how they are hurting his feelings. Leading to either a rerun of arguments or one of us being forced to change and therefore resenting the other. So I choose to befriend an individual like this, rather than date them. I make my life easier and my dating life simpler by knowing myself, and therefore knowing what works with a character like me. We will be able to have more healthy relationships when we are aware and go after the things we know work for us.
So to answer the question as to why I am single. It is because when you have standards it is much harder to find someone who fits the bill. However when you do, the reward truly outweighs the wait!
Hugs,
Sherry Ahkami from Cupid's Link
http://www.cupidslink.ca/
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Occupation....Being Single
Who knew being single could be so exhausting? Don’t get me wrong, being single is great in the sense that there is no one else to consider or think about but your one and only self. Now as freeing and wonderful as that can be 90 percent of the time. There are moments where being single can ruin a strong, independent, usually cheerful women’s’ mind.
Recently a girlfriend and I took a trip down to Mayan Riviera. The first thing I realized during this trip is that travel centers should really have a fine print stating that this area (Mayan Riviera) is not for single ladies. There should have been a fine print stating "CAUTION, FAMILY AND COUPLE INFESTED." I rather have dealt with the swine flu over the overcrowded love nesters, children hogging the ice cream buffet, leaving barely enough rainbow sprinkles to cover my own cone. Yes single people all over let it be known that Mayan Riviera is not where you will “accidently” bump into your future husband/wife or even one night stand. It is rather a place that will remind you that being isolated with your boyfriend/girlfriend for seven days will in fact bring on many ridicules fights. As well as remind you what it’s like to entertain children 24/7 without the help of dropping them off at some daycare or school.
However as many fights as I witnessed with the couples that surrounded our resort, I was also reminded of the special moments found only in relationships. Being surrounded by couples made me remember what it’s like to care for someone. That type of love that is so intense even the fights are in some sick way enjoyable. Not to mention what it’s like to carry around your luggage when you don’t have a significant other. Airlines should provide single girls with a personal assistant!! Now please be reminded that this is not my typical thinking method. I truly enjoy being single as much as being in a relationship. I believe in finding the balance in oneself that will allow you to be just as content in both worlds. And much of this type of thinking was not only caused by the romantic scenery, but also of that unfortunate visitor of the month that I was lucky enough to enjoy while in Mexico.
Today, being single is best portrayed in the movie “He’s Just Not That into You.” We have to keep our Facebook updated with pictures from our latest party nights where we are dressed fabulously. In order to remind that special individual on our friend list that we are that sexy siren they should be profile stalking. And let me tell you how tiring it is to be constantly snapping away pictures, where we try to look our most fantastic while standing with another person whom we most likely don't even care for. But yet we feel this person is perfect for our profile picture because they will A) allow us to look great because you have most likely decided they are not as good looking as you. And B) they allow you to not look so self absorbed since that profile picture isn’t of yourself, sitting in your room, trying to look sexy. When in fact you are doing absolutely nothing but posing for hours on end to get the perfect picture. Exhausted yet? Being single today also means you need to consistently make sure you’re in your most uncomfortable yet stylish outfit. Even though you are really dreaming of your Nike runners and lulu lemon sweats. We have been trained by all the fairy tale stories that, “you really don’t know when that special someone will magically come and sweep you off your feet.” So we are always prepared in the latest toe pinching stilettos.
For all the work this takes I’m really starting to think that companies should give us single days off. Single people could use some leeway just to take off some of the edge. In many ways being single is extremely time consuming and some breaks from our 9 to 5 grind would be nice. Being single involves research (best online dating sites, learning what each body movement translates to), observation (is there a ring? is there a tan line of where a ring used to be?), multitasking( walking in six inch heels, while scanning the room for eligible candidates and all the while carrying a drink). If you ask me all of this is more work than a full time job.
The good news is that if all things go as "naturally” planned, in three days I will remind you of the fabulous life which is singlehood, till then….
Hugs,
Sherry Ahkami
http://www.cupidslink.ca/
Recently a girlfriend and I took a trip down to Mayan Riviera. The first thing I realized during this trip is that travel centers should really have a fine print stating that this area (Mayan Riviera) is not for single ladies. There should have been a fine print stating "CAUTION, FAMILY AND COUPLE INFESTED." I rather have dealt with the swine flu over the overcrowded love nesters, children hogging the ice cream buffet, leaving barely enough rainbow sprinkles to cover my own cone. Yes single people all over let it be known that Mayan Riviera is not where you will “accidently” bump into your future husband/wife or even one night stand. It is rather a place that will remind you that being isolated with your boyfriend/girlfriend for seven days will in fact bring on many ridicules fights. As well as remind you what it’s like to entertain children 24/7 without the help of dropping them off at some daycare or school.
However as many fights as I witnessed with the couples that surrounded our resort, I was also reminded of the special moments found only in relationships. Being surrounded by couples made me remember what it’s like to care for someone. That type of love that is so intense even the fights are in some sick way enjoyable. Not to mention what it’s like to carry around your luggage when you don’t have a significant other. Airlines should provide single girls with a personal assistant!! Now please be reminded that this is not my typical thinking method. I truly enjoy being single as much as being in a relationship. I believe in finding the balance in oneself that will allow you to be just as content in both worlds. And much of this type of thinking was not only caused by the romantic scenery, but also of that unfortunate visitor of the month that I was lucky enough to enjoy while in Mexico.
Today, being single is best portrayed in the movie “He’s Just Not That into You.” We have to keep our Facebook updated with pictures from our latest party nights where we are dressed fabulously. In order to remind that special individual on our friend list that we are that sexy siren they should be profile stalking. And let me tell you how tiring it is to be constantly snapping away pictures, where we try to look our most fantastic while standing with another person whom we most likely don't even care for. But yet we feel this person is perfect for our profile picture because they will A) allow us to look great because you have most likely decided they are not as good looking as you. And B) they allow you to not look so self absorbed since that profile picture isn’t of yourself, sitting in your room, trying to look sexy. When in fact you are doing absolutely nothing but posing for hours on end to get the perfect picture. Exhausted yet? Being single today also means you need to consistently make sure you’re in your most uncomfortable yet stylish outfit. Even though you are really dreaming of your Nike runners and lulu lemon sweats. We have been trained by all the fairy tale stories that, “you really don’t know when that special someone will magically come and sweep you off your feet.” So we are always prepared in the latest toe pinching stilettos.
For all the work this takes I’m really starting to think that companies should give us single days off. Single people could use some leeway just to take off some of the edge. In many ways being single is extremely time consuming and some breaks from our 9 to 5 grind would be nice. Being single involves research (best online dating sites, learning what each body movement translates to), observation (is there a ring? is there a tan line of where a ring used to be?), multitasking( walking in six inch heels, while scanning the room for eligible candidates and all the while carrying a drink). If you ask me all of this is more work than a full time job.
The good news is that if all things go as "naturally” planned, in three days I will remind you of the fabulous life which is singlehood, till then….
Hugs,
Sherry Ahkami
http://www.cupidslink.ca/
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